A Confession

I don’t know what my weight is right now.

Since leaving the recovery program I was in, I haven’t weighed myself, and I’ve asked to be blind weighed at every doctor I’ve been to. I was in a bad place and knew I’d get obsessive again, but I also didn’t want to know. Between crazy work schedules and some tough personal issues, I was living off the frozen pizza Erich was bringing home. Now that Chicago has turned cold and icy, I can’t walk at lunch, which is the exercise I was relying on during the summer. I haven’t bothered to replace it. Between the weather and the weight gain, I’m lethargic and unhappy.

Flattering intro, right? Hi. I’m Amanda. I’m a 23-year-old marketing professional living in the Chicago suburbs. I don’t think I’ve been a healthy weight since I was like…nine. There’s a whole lot of reasons for that, including my upbringing, who I am as a person, and the general diet in the US (not just stopping when I’m full loops back to the family, personality, yay vicious cycles).

The closest I got was in 2013, when I lost 60 pounds over the course of about 5 months. It started out healthy, going to Weight Watchers meetings with my grandmother. However, stress and perfectionism took hold, and I more or less stopped eating. I was still technically overweight, but I was starving. I wound up in a recovery program and started to repair my relationship with food.

It’s obviously not perfect, seeing as I’ve gained that weight back, but I have a framework to work within. I’m a captain in the Daily Herald’s Fittest Loser at Work challenge, and I plan to document how this goes. The official competition starts the middle of next month, but we’ll be preparing for the next several weeks and I’ll take you, the few people who stumble across this post by accident and maybe stick around because my template is cool, along with me. Let’s go!

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